


That Freaking Dork That You Love

by KoroMarimo



Category: Pocket Monsters | Pokemon (Main Video Game Series), Pocket Monsters | Pokemon - All Media Types, Pocket Monsters: Sun & Moon | Pokemon Sun & Moon Versions
Genre: Dorks, Dorks in Love, F/M, Falling In Love, First Dates, Fluff and Humor, Humor, If it's pizza you know it's true love, Love, Pizza, Reader-Insert, True Love, confident reader
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-20
Updated: 2017-04-20
Packaged: 2018-10-21 08:50:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 727
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10681896
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KoroMarimo/pseuds/KoroMarimo
Summary: Guzma's a fucking dork and in this story he's being a dork with you on a date to a pizza joint. Enjoy.





	That Freaking Dork That You Love

**Author's Note:**

> He's such a goddamn nerd fuck

True. He was no prince charming by any means necessary. No matter how much Plumeria had built him up to be this amazing gentleman.

"He's a real great guy!" She insisted as she walked with you to your car, "Definitely your type. He'll treat you right or I'll kick his ass."

“Ok but that last bit worries me-“

“Fugettaboutit!” she insisted, “He’s your type, a real cute dude. I promise.”

So she'd given him the address to your house and agreed to babysit for your Meowth, doing your hair beforehand and quelling any last minute doubts you might have harbored about the date. Guzma had shown up a quarter after six with some handpicked Ula' Ula Meadow flowers. He'd seemed nice enough, but you noticed quickly that he wasn't at all the picture of the elegant man that Plumeria had painted.

Before agreeing to this date with Guzma, you had no idea that it was possible to actually drink a pizza. The parlor he had taken to you seemed to be content that their pizzas were made with an extra quart of grease in the recipe, and Guzma had been folding multiple slices in two and drinking it up as though it was of the finest ambrosia. You managed one slice and twelve cokes, just watching him from across the table as he slurped and chattered about bugs. Plumeria had done your makeup and lent you a pair of cute earrings for the occasion, but Guzma hadn’t even really noticed it. He seemed intent on chatting you up more than focusing on the tinier details like makeup and jewelry. Such a shame. Plumeria had actually achieved a smokey eye look for your glasses and you were quite proud of how mysterious it made you look.

“Think Golisopod is ‘bout level thiry six now.” he grunted through his pizza, a piece of mozzarella became briefly lodged in his throat. Pounding on his chest and making a curious “hrrk, hrrk” noise eventually dislodged it into his mouth where he snorted and swallowed. He continued his bug talk, showing of his staggering knowledge of bug types as though you would coo and gush over it as much as he did.

What a damn nerd…

Good God…

“Now don’t let anyone else tell you any different, but this here joint is the best goddamn pizza place I ever been in.” Guzma gestured all around, brick wall, old tables, Christmas lights. Charming. “Pizza is that good Castelia style shit, and sometimes on Sundays they got them half priced ice creams for your Pokémon. Golisopod likes ‘em with a bit a cheese on top, no fuckin idea but actually it’s pretty good.”

“Mmm…” you replied, still working on blotting your slice with a napkin. How was he not sick from the smell alone? You felt later tonight this would all come back up, a lovely rancid color of vomit in the toilet along with acid burps. He continued shoveling food in his mouth for a moment more, and then gave a long, satisfying belch that sounded like a Trevenant being cleaved in half with a chainsaw.

“God…” you said aloud, covering your nose, “Really?!”

“Not bad manners, just good food!” he cackled.

“Jesus fuck… You’re so… God… dammit…”

You couldn’t help cackling along with him, managing to call him a silly bitch before heaving with laughter. Guzma was eventually able to stop, but you couldn’t end the laughter for the life of you. He watched you, eyeing the way you smiled and propping his chin up on his hands.

“Look at you go.” He smiled, “Ya know, I’m real glad I got to take such a pretty girl like you out.”

“Hee… hee hee… Really?!”

“Yeah baby.” Guzma replied, definitely unable to contain his cheeser now that your hands were covering your face. “Look at you go over there. So cute… I could eat ya up with a spoon.”

Eventually your laughter subsided, and you tried your best to seem coy by pressing your arms together so that your smashed chest made the view pleasing for him. You winked blithely, running a finger across the sparkly pink lip gloss that plumped your lips and made you look like a movie star.

“Promise?” you cooed.

“Totally… Unless we can get a malasada before we go home. These pizzas are always too small for me.”


End file.
